我的高考英语作文(天津卷),谁帮忙挑挑错?急!估分!

Today is my father's birthday.On the afternoon of this special day,I decided to buy my father a birthday gift. The gift chosen quickly,I went home in a subway train.Though it was crowded in the train,I was luck to find a seat.However,comfortable as I was,an old lady who got on at the next stop with 2 heavy bags made me comsider that whether I should give my seat to her.A minute's thought,as a result,I stood up,Letting her sit on my seat.
I think this is a good habbit for us to build a better,politer society.Not only me,but also all the society members would have done this when being in that situation.I believe that by sending out our love and aids,we can gain more than that.
译文:……礼物选完了,我乘地铁回家(此处为独立成分)。虽然地铁里很挤,我很幸运地找到了一个座位。然而,尽管我很舒服的坐着,一位在下一站上车的拎着两个重包的女士让我犹豫要不要把座位让给他。结果,想了一分钟后,我站了起来,让他坐在我的座位上了。

第1个回答  2008-06-09
总的来说这篇文章看着不舒服,一看就知道是中国人写的。高分估计不可能了,里面七七八八一些错误,开头不吸引人。作文如果有5个给分档次的话,这篇文章在3-4档。字好点的话在4档的位置。
第2个回答  2008-06-09
The gift chosen quickly
这句有错
in a subway train
用by subway比较好吧
第3个回答  2008-06-09
你们的作文是这样的?我高三从来就是写一个观点的正反面。没看过有出记叙类的。.....
第4个回答  2008-06-10
比较“高级”的句型用得有些生硬,好像没有必要的地方刻意用上去的。
比如The gift chosen quickly...
(另外这句的用法也不对)
第5个回答  2008-06-12
和我的水平差不多,但每一次我写完,我的老师都要批我一次."过多地运用高级结构和高级词汇,导致语义不清,结构混乱.'并且高考判卷老师不会把我们当作高水品的学习者,一些莫名其妙的看似尽心的话,他会当作抄袭.不知道你考得怎么样