求批改评分雅思作文,马上要考了

Subject:
Some people believe that air travel should restricted because it cause serious pollution and uses up the world’s fuel resources .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:
In present-day society, it’s widely believed that travel by plane plays an increasingly crucial role in our lives. But in the meantime, the serious pollution and the shortage of fuel resource are issues open to debate. Some people insist that air travel is fast and comfortable while others argue that it makes negative impact to the environment and should be restricted. Personally, I am in favor of the former view.

Compelling arguments can be made that air travel is fast and comfortable. The first point with respect to this is that air travel is the fastest transportation in the world. E.g. If you want to travel continentally, it will take you several weeks by train or ship. By contrast, travel from Asia to Europe only takes 10 hours by air. Moreover, there are wonderful services on plane to make you feel like at home. Specifically, services like free meal, drinks, books, movies and even carpet if you feel cold. Last but not least, air travel is the safest transportation in the world compares to traveling by car or by ship.

On the other hand, colorable arguments can be made that air travel cause serious pollution and uses up fuel resources. This is due to the fact that flight needs thousands gallon of aviation fuel to take off and land. Nonetheless, the number of cars is increased seriously during recent years and the scientific research shows most of the air pollution comes from cars exhaust emissions but not plane.

Having considered all the arguments above, I am convinced that air travel should not be restricted because it brings us much more benefit and less pollution than other transportations.

总体评分:6分
优点:文章能清楚表达自己的观点,并对自己支持的观点列出自己的原因,而且句型句式运用比较好,没有明显的语法错误和简单的句型错误,而且文章整体可读性较强,切题!
缺点:论据不是很充分,列出支持你本人观点的论据太少,太简单,没有新意。如果在这个方面在下点功夫,会有较大的进步!
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