英语作文求批改

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about a pervasive phenomenon. It is remarkable that a great many colleges appoint stars as their visiting professors. The concern was intensely raised whether this move is contributive to the long-term development of universities.
Some harbor that we should be aware that stars play a positive role in the development of society. In their eyes, it is celebrities that matter a lot in promoting the concept of perseverance and persistence. The introduction of them can stimulate students to pursue their dream persistently. Moreover, were it for stars, the reputation of universities would be promoted remarkably. Conversely, the opponents bitterly refute this view. What they maintain is that the college, usually called ivory tower, primary function of which is doing academic research.The introduction of stars may destroy this atmosphere. Meanwhile, undergraduates are likely to be obsessed with their stars, thus not concentrating on their curriculum. Therefore, it is not desirable to introduce the celebrities.
From my perspective, I'm convinced that a reasonable conclusion should be reached without a prejudice to any side. Apparently, it has its strengths and weaknesses. Only by forming a rational perception can we defy all the odds to adapt to this new trend.

文章用词灵活多样,学术词汇使用也比较准确;句法知识很棒,若增加一些从句的使用,文章会更出色;衔接成分太少,文章结构欠佳;请注意分段。

1.1 Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about a pervasive phenomenon. [教师点评]
[低频警示] concerned about a pervasive phenomenon 在语料库中无此用法,疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: quantity, amount, number, sum 均有“总数,总量”之意。
quantity: 书面用词,指事物的总量和总数量,侧重大批计量,含准确测量的意味。
amount: 普通用词,与quantity近义,但强调整体,指把所有数量、重量及度量归并在一起得出的总数。
number: 普通用词,指人或物的数目,强调数的概念。
sum: 普通用词,指简单加算的结果。
[批改提示] people表示“人,民族”。查看与person的区别。
1.2 It is remarkable that a great many colleges appoint stars as their visiting professors. [教师点评]
[低频警示] stars as their visiting professors 在语料库中无此用法,疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 appoint...star 在教材中出现过 3 次
SeeAlso: name star88,nominate star24,charge star17
[学习提示] 易混词汇: appoint, designate, assign, name, nominate 均有“任命,委派”之意。
appoint: 通常指不经过选择的官方委任。
designate: 书面用语,侧重当权者或机构的选拔或任命,有时含强行指定的意味。
assign: 常指给一群人或个人分配、分派、指派或委派任务。
name: 普通用词,着重任命的结果,而不是过程。
nominate: 通常指为某一公职选择候选人,并将其提交给有决定权的人作最后决定。
1.3 The concern was intensely raised whether this move is contributive to the long-term development of universities. [教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 raise...concern 在教材中出现过 6163 次
SeeAlso: raise fear1075,arouse concern107,raise worry106,provoke concern66,kindle concern18,elicit concern14,evoke concern7,raise business6,raise care3
[学习提示] 易混词汇: affair, business, matter, concern, thing 均含“事情”之意。
affair: 含义较广,侧重指已发生或必须去做的任何事情或事务。复数形式多指重大或较复杂的事务。
business: 通常指较重要或较难而又必须承担的事情,也可指商事。
matter: 普通用词,着重指一件考虑中的或需要处理的事。
concern: 往往强调与个人或团体利害有直接或重大关系的事。
thing: 用作“事情”解时,词义较笼统、含糊,多用于指不很具体的事。
1.4 Some harbor that we should be aware that stars play a positive role in the development of society. [教师点评]
[名词错误] 单复数错误,请检查Some harbor后的名词。
如: many students, more chances
[学习提示] 易混词汇: aware, conscious, sensible 均含“意识到的”之意。
aware: 强调通过耳闻目睹或感觉而得到的信息,也指敏税的观察和推断。侧重感知,多与of一起用。
conscious: 指内心的感觉,强调深刻的心理活动。
sensible: 侧重通过直觉或理性感觉意识到某物的存在。
1.5 In their eyes, it is celebrities that matter a lot in promoting the concept of perseverance and persistence. [教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 promote...concept 在教材中出现过 104 次
SeeAlso: push concept75,advance concept21,raise concept15,advertise concept9,further concept3,elevate concept3
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 matter...lot 在教材中出现过 134 次
SeeAlso: count lot40,matter deal3
[学习提示] 易混词汇: idea, concept, conception, thought, notion, impression 均有“思想,观点,观念”之意。
idea: 最普通常用词,几乎适用于任何方面的思维活动。
concept: 指从众多实例中通过概括、归纳而形成的对事物本质、全貌及其内部联系的概念或看法。
conception: 通常指个人或一些人所持有的具体概念或念头,也可指概念的形成过程,含一定的想象和感情色彩意味。
thought: 指以推理、思考等智力活动为基础的心理思维活动及其结果。
notion: 指的是一种模糊的,变化的莫测的想法,无可靠的基础,未经深思熟虑的观点。
impression: 指外部刺激在思想中所产生的印象。
[批改提示] promote近义表达有encourage/ further/ boost/ advance
1.6 The introduction of them can stimulate students to pursue their dream persistently. [教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 stimulate...student 在教材中出现过 3 次
SeeAlso: have student1529,get student266,make student93,excite student14,energize student9,cause student9,rush student7,provoke student5,shake student5,arouse student4
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 pursue...dream 在教材中出现过 598 次
SeeAlso: follow dream298,pursue ambition83,pursue aspiration13
[学习提示] 易混词汇: introduction, preface 均有“前言,导言”之意。
introduction: 普通用词,指任何作品开头对读者或听众说明或介绍该作品,起引导作用的结论部分,和全书内容是一致的。
preface: 指作者或编者为说明全书的目的、范围、编辑方法等在序言之前写的一段简短的序文。
1.7 Moreover, were it for stars, the reputation of universities would be promoted remarkably. [教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 promote...reputation 在教材中出现过 12 次
SeeAlso: boost reputation34,elevate reputation23,further reputation19,raise reputation11,promote report10,advance reputation10,push reputation4,upgrade reputation3
[学习提示] 易混词汇: fame, honour, reputation, glory, renown 均有“名声,名誉”之意。
fame: 普通用词,含义广,一般指好名声,可大可小,可远可近。
honour: 侧重指因高尚的举止,忠心或诚实而受到公众钦佩和崇敬,得到好名声和荣誉。
reputation: 通常指熟悉某人或某地的人对该人、该地的看法,可好可坏。
glory: 指因功绩卓著而获得的令人称颂的光荣或荣誉地位。
renown: 指远近闻名的声誉。
[批改提示] 注意would和used to的区别。
[批改提示] promote近义表达有encourage/ further/ boost/ advance
1.8 Conversely, the opponents bitterly refute this view. [教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 refute...view 在教材中出现过 13 次
SeeAlso: rebut view8
[学习提示] 易混词汇: opponent, competitor, enemy, foe, rival 均有“对手,敌手”之意。
opponent: 最常用词,通常指在争论、辩论、竞选或竞赛以及其它各种矛盾冲突中站在对立面的“对手”或“敌手”。
competitor: 指为同一目标或目的竞争者,一般无感情色彩。
enemy: 多指充满敌意的仇敌。
foe: 语气较强,多用于书面文字和诗歌中。指不仅敌对,而且很危险,怀有很深的敌意。
rival: 指与某人目标一致而想赶上或超过他的人,匹敌者。
1.9 What they maintain is that the college, usually called ivory tower, primary function of which is doing academic research. [教师点评]
[学习提示] 易混词汇: college, university, institute, school, academy 均含有“学院,大学”之意。
college: 多指大学内的学院,分科学院或科目较少的高等学校。
university: 主要指综合大学,一般由多个学院组成。当泛指大学时通常用college表示。
institute: 指设立有专门学科的学院,如外语学院、地质学院、建筑学院等。
school: 指大学所属的学院或系。
academy: 指(高等)专科院校或研究专门学术的学校。
[批改提示] usually的同义表达有for the most part。
[批改提示] primary的近义表达有radical或fundamental。
1.10 The introduction of stars may destroy this atmosphere. [教师点评]
[低频警示] the introduction of stars 在语料库中无此用法,疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 destroy...atmosphere 在教材中出现过 10 次
SeeAlso: ruin atmosphere15,destroy aura7,destroy ambience5,destroy ambiance5,destroy air4
[学习提示] 易混词汇: atmosphere, air, gas 均与“空气”有关。
atmosphere: 指围绕有的星球,特别是围绕地球的空气,即大气层。也可指环境气氛。
air: 指空气,也泛指一般气体。
gas: 指气态物,尤指供燃烧取暖或照明的气体,其中一部分称作瓦斯。
1.11 Meanwhile, undergraduates are likely to be obsessed with their stars, thus not concentrating on their curriculum. [教师点评]
[学习提示] 易混词汇: concentrate, focus 均有“集中,聚集”之意。
concentrate: 指把人或物集中在一起,也可指把精力或注意力集中于某一事物上。
focus: 侧重指把光、热、射线等集中于一点,也可指把思想或精力等集中于某人或某事情上。
[批改提示] 注意meantime和meanwhile的区别。
1.12 Therefore, it is not desirable to introduce the celebrities. [教师点评]
[学习提示] 易混词汇: accordingly, consequently, hence, so, therefore, thus 均有“因此,所以”之意。
accordingly: 书面用词,强调根据某种原因而得出的结果,其前可用冒号或分号,但不用逗号。
consequently: 正式用词,侧重符合逻辑的结果。
hence: 较正式用词,指接下来的东西是理所当然的必需的东西,但强调其重要性。
so: 用于比较随便的场合,口语中多用。
therefore: 通常指引出一个推断出的必然结论。
thus: 多用于书面语中,可与therefore换用。
1.13 From my perspective, I'm convinced that a reasonable conclusion should be reached without a prejudice to any side. [教师点评]
[低频警示] a prejudice to any side 在语料库中无此用法,疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 reach...conclusion 在教材中出现过 2434 次
SeeAlso: reach decision1730,reach end631,reach closing32,reach close27,reach ending25,reach determination22,reach finish13,achieve conclusion4
[学习提示] 易混词汇: induce, persuade, urge, convince, counsel, coax 均有“劝说,劝导,劝诱”之意。
induce: 指用讲道理来使某人做某事。
persuade: 普通用词,指通过劝说、感情交流等而使对方做劝说者所希望的事。
urge: 语气强,指不断地热情地规劝诱导。
convince: 指凭行动、事实或言语使他人从思想感情上信服。
counsel: 较正式用词,指对一些较重大事情所提出的劝告。有时也用于非正式场合,但仍强调严肃的一面。
coax: 指用好话善意或耐心劝诱、哄骗某人做某事。
1.14 Apparently, it has its strengths and weaknesses. [教师点评]
[批改提示] strength的近义表达有competitiveness。
1.15 Only by forming a rational perception can we defy all the odds to adapt to this new trend. [教师点评]
[学习提示] 易混词汇: adapt, adjust, conform, accommodate, suit, fit 均有“使适合,适应”之意。
adapt: 指人或物在原有情况下作某些改变以适应新的环境或不同的条件,强调改变的目的和重要性。
adjust: 与adapt含义很接近,但adjust所改变的幅度要小一些,侧重过程,主要用于调整角度、高度、光点等。
conform: 多指与某模式或规则相符,也引申指改变习惯等以适应新的环境。
accommodate: 书面用词,指以外部条件标准改变自己或某事以求得适应,着重改变或调节的有利。
suit: 指适合要求,从而使人满意愉快。
fit: 含义广,指人或物适合或适应某一目的或用途。
[批改提示] 查看trend和direction的区别。
[批改提示] 注意odd与odds区别。
[批改提示] defy近义表达有face/ confront/ stand up to
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第1个回答  2014-05-21
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