请帮忙把两个笑话翻译成英语的

Question

1.克林顿和牧师同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂， 而把牧师送入了地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。
牧师：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了. 克林顿笑着说：可惜太晚了。

2.有个人来到一个位于纽约帝国大厦顶端的酒吧。那儿看起来是个非常不错的地方，他就在酒吧找了 个座位。“这地方真棒！我以前从没来过这儿。”他对一个坐在他旁边的人说。“噢！真的吗？”那人回答道。“这儿是不错，它还是一个极为奇特的酒吧。” “是吗？为什么？”“对呀！你看到远处墙上的那幅画了吗？那是一幅凡高的真迹。而我正坐着的凳子曾是泰坦尼克号 上的。”“啊哟！太神了。”第一个人说到。“如果你跳出窗外，下跌大约五十英尺就会被风接住并推回 来。”“不，那不可能！”那人嘲笑道。“什么不可能。看着点！”说着这人就走到那个窗户前，打开窗户、爬上窗台然后跳了下去。他落下10…20…30…40…50英尺，停住，然后嗖的一下就又回来了并且很轻松地从那个窗口中穿进来。“看明白了吗？有意思吧。你应该试试。”他说。“试试？我甚至没法相信刚才看到的。”第一个人喊道。第二个人再试了了一次然后说“试试吧”。“有什么嘛！试就试。”第一个人说完也从那个窗口跳了下去。他落下 10…20…30…40…50…60…70…90…100英尺，然后，啪的一声在人行横道上摔成马路匹萨。
看完这些，那第二个人漫不经心地关上窗子，回到酒吧要了一杯酒。酒吧服务生托着酒来到他旁边说：“你知道，超人，你醉的时候你呀真是一混蛋。”

Answer 1

1. 1.克林顿和牧师同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂， 而把牧师送入了地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 Clinton and a minister died on the same day. The God made a mistake. He sent Clinton to the heaven and the minister to the hell. When the God found he was wrong, he changed his decision immediately. Clinton and the minister came across on the way.
牧师：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了. 克林顿笑着说：可惜太晚了。
Minister: Thank Goodness. I can meet Virgin Mary at last. Clinton smiled:" Unfortunately, you are too late.
2. 有个人来到一个位于纽约帝国大厦顶端的酒吧。那儿看起来是个非常不错的地方，他就在酒吧找了 个座位。A man came to the bar located on the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks great, so he took a seat in the bar.
“这地方真棒！我以前从没来过这儿。”他对一个坐在他旁边的人说。 How great it is! I have never been here before." He said to the man at the next table.
“噢！真的吗？”那人回答道。“这儿是不错，它还是一个极为奇特的酒吧。"Oh! Really?" the man answered. "It is a nice place. And it is a very special bar, too."
“是吗？为什么？” "Is it? Why?" "
“对呀！你看到远处墙上的那幅画了吗？那是一幅凡高的真迹。而我正坐着的凳子曾是泰坦尼克号 上的。”" Yes. Have seen the painting on the wall in the distance? That is a authentic work of Van Gogh. The chair I'm sitting on was once on the Titanic.
“啊哟！太神了。”第一个人说到。" My god! It is unbelievable!" The first man said.
“如果你跳出窗外，下跌大约五十英尺就会被风接住并推回 来。”" If you jumped out of the window, you will be caught and pushed back by the wind when you fall about 50 feet high.
“不，那不可能！”那人嘲笑道。"No, it is impossible!" The man mocked.
“什么不可能。看着点！”说着这人就走到那个窗户前，打开窗户、爬上窗台然后跳了下去。"Nothing is impossible! Look!" With these words, the man went to the window, opened it and climbed up the windowsill, then jumped out of it.
他落下10…20…30…40…50英尺，停住，然后嗖的一下就又回来了并且很轻松地从那个窗口中穿进来。As the height climbing from 10 to 50, he stopped and then flew back quickly. He got through the window and went in.
“看明白了吗？有意思吧。你应该试试。”他说。" Have you seen it clearly? It is interesting, isn't it? You should have a try." He said.
“试试？我甚至没法相信刚才看到的。”第一个人喊道。" Have a try? I even can't believe what I have seen." The first man shouted.
第二个人再试了了一次然后说“试试吧”。The second man tried it again and said " Why not try it by yourself?"
“有什么嘛！试就试。”第一个人说完也从那个窗口跳了下去。"It is nothing. I will try" The first man said and jumped out of the window.
他落下 10…20…30…40…50…60…70…90…100英尺，然后，啪的一声在人行横道上摔成马路匹萨。 He fell 10…20…30…40…50…60…70…90…100 feet height and then broke himself into a street pizza on the cross way with a big noise.
看完这些，那第二个人漫不经心地关上窗子，回到酒吧要了一杯酒。酒吧服务生托着酒来到他旁边说：“你知道，超人，你醉的时候你呀真是一混蛋。" After watching that, the second man closed the window unconcernedly and walked back to the bar to ask for a glass of wine. The bar waiter took his wine to him and said" You know, superman, you are really a bastard when you are drunk."

完全手工啊,打的累死

Answer 2

1.Clinton and the priest died the same day, God made a mistake, Clinton sent to heaven, and the pastor into a hell. Errors found immediately after God changed it back, the way two meet. Pastor: Thank God, I can finally see the Virgin Mary. Clinton smiled and said: Unfortunately, too late
2.A man came to a top of the Empire State Building in New York bars. There appears to be a very good place, he took a seat at the bar. "This place is awesome! I've never been here before." He was a man sitting next to him said. "Oh! Really?" The man replied. "Here is good, it is a very strange bar." "Really? Why?" "Yes! A distance you see the picture on the wall yet? It was a genuine Van Gogh. And I positive stool was sitting on the Titanic. "" ah yo! too god. "The first person said. "If you jump out the window, down about fifty feet will be caught and pushed back the wind." "No, that can not be!" The man scoffed. "What is impossible. Eye on!" Said the man went to the front of a window, open the windows, climb up window and then jumped down. He falls 10 ... 20 ... 30 ... 40 ... 50 feet, stopped, and then click on the wind's back and very easy to wear come from that window. "Look you understand? Interesting. You should try." He said. "Try? Can not believe I even just saw." The first man shouted. A second person to try out and said "give it a try." "What is it! Trial to trial." Finish is also the first man jumped from the window. He falls 10 ... 20 ... 30 ... 40 ... 50 ... 60 ... 70 ... 90 ... 100 feet, and then snapped at the crosswalk on the street broke into a pizza. After reading these, that second person inadvertently close the window, back to the bar to a glass of wine. The bartender said, holding the wine and went to him: "You know, Superman, you're drunk when you ah really a jerk."

Answer 3

1. Clinton and pastor, died the same day god make wrong, to the Clinton heaven, but the pastor into hell. Immediately after the discovery of the error changed back, god road meet 2 people.Priest: thank god, I finally can meet the virgin Mary. Clinton smiled and said: but it's too late.
2. Have personal came to a is located in the top of the Empire State Building in New York bar. It all looks is a very good place, he found a seat at the bar. "This place is great! I've never been here before." He is sitting next to him on a man said. "Oh! Really?" The man replied. "It is good, it is still a very peculiar bar." "Really? Why?" "Rightness ah! You saw in the distance the picture on the wall? That is a picture of a genuine van gogh. And I'm sitting on the bench was the Titanic." "Ouch! That's god." The first man said. "If you jump out of the window, a drop of about 50 feet will be caught and back to the wind." "No, that can't be!" The man laughed. "What could not. Looking at a point!" Say this man went to the front of the window, open the window, climbed the windowsill and jump in. He dropped 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, stop, then whizzed past once again come back and easily come from the window to wear. "See what? It interesting. You should give it a try." He said. "Try? I can't even believe just see." The first man shouted. The second man to try it once and then said, "try". "What! Try just try." The first man say that finish from the window also jumped. He dropped 10... 20... 30... 40... 50... 60... 70... 90... 100 feet, then snap in a crosswalk broke into the street pizza.
Watching these, that the second man carelessly close the window, go back to the bar to a glass of wine. The bartender holds the wine came to his side and said: "you know, superman, you drunk when you ah was a jerk."

Answer 4

1.Clinton and the pastor, died on the same day, god made a mistake to heaven, while Clinton the pastor into hell. Immediately after the discovery of the error changed back, god road meet 2 people.
Priest: thank god, I finally can meet the virgin Mary. Clinton smiled and said: but it's too late.

2.Someone came to a is located in the top of the Empire State Building in New York bar. It all looks is a very good place, he found a seat at the bar. "This place is great! I've never been here before." He is sitting next to him on a man said. "Oh! Really?" The man replied. "It is good, it is still a very peculiar bar." "Really? Why?" "Rightness ah! You saw in the distance the picture on the wall? That is a picture of a genuine van gogh. And I'm sitting on the bench was the Titanic." "Ouch! That's god."The first man said. "If you jump out of the window, a drop of about 50 feet will be caught and back to the wind." "No, that can't be!" The man laughed. "What could not. Looking at a point!" Say this man went to the front of the window, open the window, climbed the windowsill and jump in. He dropped 10... 20... 30... 40... 50 feet, stop, then whizzed past once again come back and easily come from the window to wear. "See what? It interesting. You should give it a try." He said. "Try? I can't even believe just see." The first man shouted.The second man to try it once and then said, "try". "What! Try just try." The first man say that finish from the window also jumped. He dropped 10... 20... 30... 40... 50... 60... 70... 90... 100 feet, then snap in a crosswalk broke into the street pizza.
Watching these, that the second man carelessly close the window, go back to the bar to a glass of wine. The bartender holds the wine came to his side and said: "you know, superman, you drunk when you ah was a jerk."本回答被提问者采纳

Answer 5

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